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15. “The new iPhone is ordinary and in no way revolutionary.”
14. “We’d like to give a warm greeting to our special guests, those guys from Gizmodo.”
13. “Sorry I’m late — my Droid just got the Froyo update and I had to check it out.”
12. “Does this turtleneck make me look fat?”
11. “I’d like to thank Daring Fireball’s John Gruber for all the fine analysis he’s provided, and also for all the handjobs.”
10. “This week’s big news: I’m leaving Apple to become the new judge on American Idol.”
9. “Just kidding. I’m actually taking over The Apprentice. My catchphrase will be ‘You’re banned.’”
8. “Today we’re announcing an exciting new App Store partnership with Vivid Video. Here to tell you all about it is the lovely Jenna Jameson.”
Steve Jobs God7. “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Adobe CEO Shantanu Narayen.”
6. “We really admire all the work Microsoft has done with Windows Mobile. See, I can say that with a straight face. Phil Schiller just lost a bet.”
5. “Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am a god among men. Thanks for asking.”
4. “We deeply respect all that Woz has done for Apple. But I’m still not sure how he keeps managing to get off the island.”
3. “I decided to go with the red cardigan this year.”
2. “You’ve all already seen this thing, so **** it — I’m going home.”
1. “Developers! Developers! Developers!”
Source: Sarcasm
Last edited by Carter; 06-01-2010 at 09:54 PM.
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