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  1. Thread Author  Thread Author    #1  

    Default Cheating question.

    For the guys, this one is for you. Let's pretend your wife, girlfriend, etc was cheating on you. If someone else also knew, would you want them to tell you, or would you want to stay unaware and deal with it if/when you found out on your own?

    I'm only interested in the guys perspective, not what a woman would want if she were in that situation. Why? Because I tried to Google this scenario, and no matter how I worded it, nearly every result was still about guys cheating on their wives, if you should tell the wife, and what should the wife then do. I guess Google is just sexist like that. Though if you ladies want to poll the men you know and reply with that, go for it.
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  2. #2  
    NoYankees44's Avatar

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    Default Re: Cheating question.

    I would want to know. I would not immediately trust anyone because I trust my wife completely(she would not be my wife if I didnt), but I would still want to know. That way I could confront it head on instead of possibly suspecting for a long period of time or never knowing at all.
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  3. #3  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    I would want to know, but only if there is some substantial basis for this belief. I would not want someone telling me that they think they saw her with a guy at a yoga class and then had coffee and then went to his house...they think. It seems people today get far too caught up in the (supposed) drama of others, often times misinterpreting what is actually going on.

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  4. #4  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    I would tell a friend only if I had substantial evidence. The problem with these types of scenarios is that what happens if the guy and the girl patch things up after the cheating? The woman is most likely going to try to alienate her boyfriend/husband from that friend who told. And lets be honest, guys tend to be cowards so when accusations fly, throwing your friend under the bus to substantiate the suspicion of cheating is pretty typical, "But Bob said he saw you kissing Steve!" The approach I would take as a friend is to ask the guy if he thinks the girl is right for him and maybe throw subtle hints about how she seems to be "too social" if I really value the friendship. The thing to keep in mind is that love makes men do crazy things and sometimes the best intentions can come back to bite you on the ***.
  5. Thread Author  Thread Author    #5  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Well this is something I'm going back and forth on, as I do know a guy that's been cheated on and I do have sufficient evidence. He's not a close friend, but more just an acquaintance, so things turning sour between him and me isn't a big consideration. I just don't want to see his wife hurt him (or give him something) and her history of this stuff is, let's just say less than stellar.

    That's why I posed the question and in the way I did. I don't know if he'd want to be told, regardless of the situation, and the likelihood of breaking up the family with their two kids. Needless to say, tough choice.
  6. #6  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    What did had to do with Android?

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  7. #7  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carlo Villa View Post
    What did had to do with Android?

    Sent from my SM-N900V using Tapatalk
    Nothing. You're allowed to talk about non-Android stuff in the Lounge.
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  8. #8  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carlo Villa View Post
    What did had to do with Android?

    Sent from my SM-N900V using Tapatalk
    They'd have to decide who gets the android if they decide to divorce...

    I'd let him know, give him the evidence. If he's just an acquaintance then you don't have to worry about his friendship if he and his wife patch things up. if you give him solid evidence that he can use in court, then his wife won't screw him over during the settlement. Worse thing would be for her to screw him over a 2nd time.
  9. #9  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Channeling Ann Landers, I'd advise MYOB unless he asks you. It isn't as if you know them well enough to make it your business...

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  10. #10  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by mrsmumbles View Post
    Channeling Ann Landers, I'd advise MYOB unless he asks you. It isn't as if you know them well enough to make it your business...

    Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk 2
    Typical woman response.... :-P

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  11. #11  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by TXGTOU View Post
    Typical woman response.... :-P

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    Lol!

    Sent from my LG-LG870 using Tapatalk 2
  12. #12  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mooncatt View Post
    For the guys, this one is for you. Let's pretend your wife, girlfriend, etc was cheating on you. If someone else also knew, would you want them to tell you, or would you want to stay unaware and deal with it if/when you found out on your own?

    I'm only interested in the guys perspective, not what a woman would want if she were in that situation. Why? Because I tried to Google this scenario, and no matter how I worded it, nearly every result was still about guys cheating on their wives, if you should tell the wife, and what should the wife then do. I guess Google is just sexist like that. Though if you ladies want to poll the men you know and reply with that, go for it.
    I would want to know. I rather know now and end it now, instead of dragging out a relationship that's not working. If you have sufficient evidence at that I can at least confront her, if she has the over exaggerated "I can't believe you would ask that!" response, then I would know something's up and investigate myself.

    Posted via VZW Moto X on the Android Central App
  13. #13  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    You can't call yourself someone's friend if you WOULDN'T tell.

    Yes I would want to know. If I found out they knew afterwards they wouldn't be my friend anymore

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  14. #14  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Of the people I would call friends, there's only a very few (like 2, maybe 3) who would not only have the courage to tell me, but who I would also trust that they're being honest and looking out for me. The rest? I would take with a grain of salt but also start keeping an eye open towards the possibility. If other evidence came up I would confront my wife, and go from there. However once a cheater, always a cheater - I've seen it too many times. I would have a hard (if not impossible) time trusting my wife if it turned out to be true - and would likely lean heavily towards divorce ASAP. Of course I don't even want to consider this too deeply - I'm not in that situation, don't want to be, and wouldn't wish it on anyone!
    "I can only see half of what's going on
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    'Cause I can still smile"

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  15. #15  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by dancing-bass View Post
    Of the people I would call friends, there's only a very few (like 2, maybe 3) who would not only have the courage to tell me, but who I would also trust that they're being honest and looking out for me. The rest? I would take with a grain of salt but also start keeping an eye open towards the possibility. If other evidence came up I would confront my wife, and go from there. However once a cheater, always a cheater - I've seen it too many times. I would have a hard (if not impossible) time trusting my wife if it turned out to be true - and would likely lean heavily towards divorce ASAP. Of course I don't even want to consider this too deeply - I'm not in that situation, don't want to be, and wouldn't wish it on anyone!
    Lean heavily? If I found out my wife was cheating she is out of there within the next five minutes.

    Posted via VZW Moto X on the Android Central App
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  16. #16  
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    Default Re: Cheating question.

    I'd find out where 'they' meet up frequently. Then I would put a bug in my friend's ear and tell them, 'you should check out this place at this time, it would be to your benefit to see what's going on'. And then the ball is in his court.

    My husband and I have been in this situation a few times with friends and we stayed out of it. Eventually the affected parties came to us for advice when they find out about the cheating spouse and every time they told us they wished they'd known sooner because they felt like a fool with it going on behind their backs. So now, if we know something, we just tell them what to look for and leave it at that.

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  17. #17  
    NoYankees44's Avatar

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    Default Re: Cheating question.

    I think the important thing is to flatly say what you saw. If you saw them kissing, say that. If you saw them driving together, say that. If you saw them in the shower together, say that. Do not imply anything. Just tell them what you saw and let them do whatever they want with the information. Sometimes things are not as they seem.
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  18. #18  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by NoYankees44 View Post
    I think the important thing is to flatly say what you saw. If you saw them kissing, say that. If you saw them driving together, say that. If you saw them in the shower together, say that. Do not imply anything. Just tell them what you saw and let them do whatever they want with the information. Sometimes things are not as they seem.
    If they are in the shower together then they are just saving money on the water bill then. /jk

    Posted via VZW Moto X on the Android Central App
  19. #19  
    msndrstood's Avatar

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    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by NoYankees44 View Post
    I think the important thing is to flatly say what you saw. If you saw them kissing, say that. If you saw them driving together, say that. If you saw them in the shower together, say that. Do not imply anything. Just tell them what you saw and let them do whatever they want with the information. Sometimes things are not as they seem.
    Exactly. If they see the 'cheating' spouse out with someone else they can confront their spouse then or later but it will be with first hand knowledge and not heresay. We've been through this numerous times with friends and relatives, it's always better than second hand info which may or may not be accurate.

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  20. Thread Author  Thread Author    #20  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Kinda surprised at the replies. I know there are reasons for telling or not, but I didn't expect the answers to my original question of "would the men want to be told" to be so unanimous.
  21. #21  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mooncatt View Post
    Kinda surprised at the replies. I know there are reasons for telling or not, but I didn't expect the answers to my original question of "would the men want to be told" to be so unanimous.
    Something as serious as cheating should be told. It affects multiple people so its not a secret that should be buried away and hope it never comes up. Then you will have a bad relationship with the guy who was cheated on if he ever finds out you knew already.

    Posted via VZW Moto X on the Android Central App
  22. #22  
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    Default Re: Cheating question.

    If you thought you had a diamond the size of your head and were very proud of it, etc but everyone else knew it was merely an absurdly large grain of salt, would you want someone to tell you or keep walking around town bragging about your diamond while everyone either laughs, or is saddened by the delusion. Sure, as long as you're in the delusional bubble, it's fun to have a giant diamond. But when that pops.... finding out everyone already knew and just let you go on believing in the sparkles is probably going to make things worse. If you're right, and there is evidence, then your friend or acquaintance or whatever thinks they have a diamond of a marriage and you know it's worth less than a bag of fertilizer... yeah IMO the right thing would be to let them know how utterly false, useless and fraudulent their diamond is. I'd definitely want to know.

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  23. #23  
    Serial Fordicator's Avatar

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    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by NothingIsTrue View Post
    If you thought you had a diamond the size of your head and were very proud of it, etc but everyone else knew it was merely an absurdly large grain of salt, would you want someone to tell you or keep walking around town bragging about your diamond while everyone either laughs, or is saddened by the delusion. Sure, as long as you're in the delusional bubble, it's fun to have a giant diamond. But when that pops.... finding out everyone already knew and just let you go on believing in the sparkles is probably going to make things worse. If you're right, and there is evidence, then your friend or acquaintance or whatever thinks they have a diamond of a marriage and you know it's worth less than a bag of fertilizer... yeah IMO the right thing would be to let them know how utterly false, useless and fraudulent their diamond is. I'd definitely want to know.
    You can't blame them if they don't, I've been in a similar situation but didn't want to be in the middle. If I were related then yes. But you also run the risk of people being blinded by love. The girl would just deny and say you are lying and then he would quit talking to you too. Alot I guess has to do with the situation.

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  24. #24  

    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by Serial Fordicator View Post
    You can't blame them if they don't, I've been in a similar situation but didn't want to be in the middle. If I were related then yes. But you also run the risk of people being blinded by love. The girl would just deny and say you are lying and then he would quit talking to you too. Alot I guess has to do with the situation.

    ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
    If he thinks you are lying and you are supposed to be friends then he is just a fool unless you are a constant liar. If you are friends you tell the person the truth and people shouldn't let love blind them because if she really is cheating he is going to be hurt BAD.

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  25. #25  
    Serial Fordicator's Avatar

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    Default Re: Cheating question.

    Quote Originally Posted by A895 View Post
    If he thinks you are lying and you are supposed to be friends then he is just a fool unless you are a constant liar. If you are friends you tell the person the truth and people shouldn't let love blind them because if she really is cheating he is going to be hurt BAD.

    Posted via Android Central App
    Some people are blinded by infatuation/love. Have you ever noticed people want what they can't have? Have you ever noticed when you don't care as much about someone you can't get rid of them and when you care alot about someone you can't keep them? I've seen girls hit on their boyfriend's best friends and they told them and the girls lied and said the friend hit on her. It happens alot.

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