Here's the super-helpful response I just now received after my call to the Play store a couple of day ago:
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Hi Toby,
Thank you for contacting Google Play support.
After reviewing your account, I can confirm that your order has shipped. You can check the status of your order any time at
https://wallet.google.com/xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
You can also track your package using the tracking number found in your shipment confirmation email or in your Google Wallet account at
https://wallet.google.com.
All packages are delivered via UPS two-day shipping. However, please note that it may take up to 2 business days for us to process your order for shipment. Once your order has been shipped, you will receive an email notification with a UPS tracking number. Your estimated time of delivery will be determined at the point that your order has been processed and shipped. It may take 24 hours for the UPS package tracking to return any information for your tracking number.
If you have not received a package tracking number after 2 business days have passed, please contact our support team via phone or via email.
Once you place an order, charges generally post to your credit/debit card after your order has shipped, usually within a few days. Check your receipt on Google Wallet in the Transactions section of your account to see if your card has been charged or the exact date your credit/debit card was charged for your purchase. Note that immediately following your order, you may see an authorization in the amount of your order or a $1 authorization. Learn more about authorizations.
Contact us via email for detailed order status.
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Complete garbage, or course. Thanks for your time & effort, Google.