ATT MMS Craziness

If I want to send MMS on the 4 I am having a hilarious(not really) time figuring out my options. I've narrowed it down to two.

High Speed Internet but can only use stock messaging app
Set APN to phone

Lower Speed connection but can use Handcent and etc
Set APN to wap.cingular

This seems crazy to me and I can't seem to find a way around it, I have tried most every option of tweaking the MMSC, MMS proxy and APN types. None of those changes seem to improve things but they will affect the connection. Has anyone else seen this?

Everything else works great from what I can tell on the PHONE APN with the exception of third party messaging apps. Any help would be appreciated as I really don't like the stock messaging app.