Cue the violins: Sad to say I have a "feature phone," the LG ENV3. This phone has the form factor of a coffin that opens to reveal the low-res screen and QWERTY keyboard.
Getting on the Internet reminds me of the 28.8 modem days of dialup. The screen is so small I have to scroll from left to right to read a web page. Unfortunately, I am locked into a contract with Verizon until September 2011, so there's no way I can afford to get an Incredible -- unless I win one!
"Help me, Obi-Wan, you're my only hope!"