[Chatter] "Where everybody knows your name ..."

nexusisneecesary

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Aug 31, 2012
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Sorry to hijack chatter for a minute I'm writing a book-ish for school, I need to know if this is good,thanks for any opinion if you want I can try and explain the twist at the end of the paragraph you don't have to read but if you want please do,thanks

I woke in a chill, afraid to open my eyes,for fear of what i may find.I listen for sounds, the creak of the old wood floor, a voice, a whisper. I hear nothing but the sound of waves rolling, and vehicles passing and the ticking of a grandfather clock. slowly i open my eyes.I turn find no one lying next to me,I fear that she has left, I look for her but to no avail, I walk back to my room defeated and alone,I turn on the light to find a note left on the night stand. "You're probably feeling alone and shaken to the core" the note drops from my and falls like broken glass. A shockwave echoes around the room as lights flicker all around me. I'm staring out my window just home from school on a warm summers day.



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dancing-bass

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Jan 3, 2011
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Pretty good. If I could make a recommendation... um, try to be less wordy. Try this and see what you get. Close your eyes and picture the scene. Now write it so I can see it exactly like you see it. I like what you've got here, I'd love to read more of it. I dunno I guess it comes across (to me anyway) like you're trying too hard to write something.

:/ I hope this doesn't come across like I'm a bigshot writer or a douche or anything.
 

nexusisneecesary

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Aug 31, 2012
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Pretty good. If I could make a recommendation... um, try to be less wordy. Try this and see what you get. Close your eyes and picture the scene. Now write it so I can see it exactly like you see it. I like what you've got here, I'd love to read more of it. I dunno I guess it comes across (to me anyway) like you're trying too hard to write something.

:/ I hope this doesn't come across like I'm a bigshot writer or a douche or anything.

no not at all in fact basically the opposite,very helpful i will certainly let you know when i have more written just started writing this today...:)
 

10001110101

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Jan 11, 2011
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Stupid question [chatter]... When does Verizon count a text message as received?? I have Googled the question, and can't find a straight answer anywhere...