I'm praying it's just a software issue, as weird as that sounds. Here's what happened:
First, the power button acted strange right out of the box. Waking it up, I'd press it and the screen would come back on full brightness and instantly turn back off. Doing that again, the same thing would happen. On the third try the brightness was correct (auto) and I was able to unlock and use the device.
Last night, the Live Wallpaper froze. Everything with the exception of Flash still worked, but the Live Wallpaper would constantly stop it's animation.
Not long after, it completely stopped responding. Power button, volume buttons, and touchscreen all have no effect on the device though the software itself is still running - I can rotate the screen, get emails and IM notifications, even Skype calls. Calling it just now however, caused it to lock up software wise and now I'm staring at a blank screen that won't go into standby (kind of a good thing if discharging the battery will fix this). But still. With all that being said, it gives me reason to believe it's a software issue despite the probability of it being the opposite.