The cream of the crop this generation, specifically for "power users" such as us, are the Nexus and Rezound. (Razr is a good phone, but it's marketed toward the mainstream, casual user. It has more sales because of this.)
These two phones boil down to superior hardware VS superior software. I chose the hardware, and I always will. When I buy a computer, my first thought isn't "this better have Windows 7 damnit!" I care more about the internals, even though a new OS is almost always a good thing.
That being said, you can get better battery life by heading over to the ROMs sub-section of this forum and using CleanTOOL to disable your bloat and any other features you'd like to freeze.
When it comes to returning your phone, you're pretty much having to choose between better OS and updates, and better components/hardware. Keep in mind, the Rezound will receive ICS, it's just a matter of time.
Oh, and all this will matter very little in a few months weeks when CES rolls around and unveils the next-gen phones.