How can I tell if I delete a conversation on my phone messages if it's deleted as well on my tablet?

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Welcome to Android Central! What do you mean by phone messages? Are you talking about a text message thread? If so, is this SMS, or some other chat app like Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp, etc.?

Which tablet do you have? Is it wi-fi only? Tablets in general don't get SMS messages, because that requires telephony. Even if the tablet is 3G or 4G enabled, that's usually just for mobile data, not for SMS/voice.