I an fed up with my Samsung S5. I read great reviews and was recommended it in the shop but it is wrecking my head.
It eats my wifi allowance with updates for apps I don't want and can't disable.
Where are you living that you have a Wifi allowance? Either way, you should be able to disable application updates. Is it possible your phone is set to
Easy Mode and missing 2/3 of the settings available?
As ironass said, we're going to need to know exactly which Samsung Galaxy S5 you have as there are 41 different models. I'm guessing it's from AT&T, Verizon, or another carrier?
When I try to disable apps like My Magazine the options in your directions aren't available to me. I don't even know what most of the apps are and it opens them automatically!
Carrier phones from AT&T and Verizon are chock full of crapware and bloatware that you cannot completely disable and cannot remove. This is the unadvertised price of buying a phone over time vs. buying one outright.
What is lollipop and how do I get rid of it? Just one example.
Kitkat,
Lollipop, and
Marshmallow are codenames for the Android operating system on the phone. Kitkat (Android OS
4.4) came with your phone. Lollipop (Android OS
5.0 or 5.1 if you are lucky) is the current version. Marshmallow (Android
6.0) is brand new and we won't see it on carrier-provided phones for probably 8-10 months, if ever.
Why should I need to be an expert on phones to use one? I don't want to have to access settings every other day and search the Web for tips just to use my phone to make calls and access the Internet and social media. I am fairly computer literate but my studying days are over.
Sounds like an iPhone would have been your best bet. I'm not saying this to be catty. My first 3 smartphones were the iPhone 3GS, 4, and 5. I switched to Android and it's been a rocky road for me, but after reinstalling the operating system and installing some tweaks, I'm reasonably happy with my phone now. Android does require some tinkering and can be extremely annoying if not setup correctly. If you want a phone that "just works", iPhone is for you.
I feel as though I have no control over my phone and am very frustrated. I may just dump the thing! It's slow and it freezes.
This is the unfortunate experience of those who go to their carrier or Best Buy and buy a phone on contract or Next plan, not realizing that it's a different phone and different experience than if we bought an
unlocked phone for cash. On an iPhone, Apple controls the updates and keeps the crapware to an absolute minimum. On Android, unless you get a Nexus phone, the carriers and manufacturers control all the updates and some choose to pack the phone full of bloatware.
I would suggest reading my epic rant I wrote about my Samsung S5 a few weeks back:
http://forums.androidcentral.com/sa...ary-tale-galaxy-s5-future-samsung-phones.html
After a lot of advice (and some less than helpful advice

) I solved a lot of problems by doing a complete
Backup of the phone (with 4 separate programs as there is no one comprehensive backup program for Android), upgrading to
5.1.1 (Lollipop), and installing some replacement apps for my Home screen, Photo Gallery, and Messaging. I'm talking
Nova Launcher, which is much snappier than Samsung's crappy Touchwiz homescreen/launcher. It also doesn't have a Magazine tab! I'm talking
QuickPic for photo management which is 100 times faster than the Google Photos app. I'm talking
Textra which is a lot better than the built-in Messenger app and lets you reply to messages without switching apps.
You can make your phone run well. It might just take some fiddling. Did I mention BACKUP? I had to backup with 3 different programs, plus backing up my photos and music with a USB cable, to make sure I got everything.