Andrew, I would say that your use case is in search of another tablet that is not a Pixel. I absolutely disagree with the statement "you should not buy a Pixel tablet."
This tablet sits on the countertop in my kitchen and it is very useful as a central hub for tasks and reminders, home automation, viewing all my security camera feeds, cooking recipes and catching up on the news. All hands-free. It does remain docked most of the time, but if I choose to, I find it so very useful to simply pull the tablet off and head to the couch to finish watching the news. But the single greatest feature I like is that I just put it back on the dock and I don't have to fumble with cables for charging.
I particularly enjoy the feature of casting media from my phone directly to the Pixel tablet as it is a larger screen and easier to view content. I also own a Pixel fold and I find that the tablet mimics more of the same experience that I have on the fold. I would agree with you however that both the OS for the Pixel tablet and the pixel fold certainly have a lot of growing up to do, but overall my experience using the Pixel tablet has been nothing but comfortable and organic for my use cases.
The tablet easily incorporated itself into my Google home and playing music on my home's speaker group integrates nicely. The speaker dock is not going to win any awards for sound quality, but integrated with my home's sound system it works just fine.
I have created a second, work profile, on the pixel tablet. I use a third party stylus (Penovol) to edit documents, take notes, and research the web. Video calls through Google meet work great. I am told that the audio and video quality on the other end is on par with what anyone would experience from my laptop or other mobile device. On weekend trips I simply throw the tablet in my bag leaving the large laptop behind. The tablet connects seamlessly to airline Wi-Fi allowing me to get quick work done. I would not however recommend this device for power users needing to do some serious computing work. But simple tasks can be completed with these.
I am rambling here but I just simply want to say that a blanket statement of nobody should buy this device kind of misses the mark in my opinion. I simply think that the pixel tablet is not good for your use cases.