I've owned Android and iPhones please tell me how I would be persuaded with all the quirkiness and inconsistencies of Android?
True of older phones but not true for newer releases. My older Samsung's (S3/4/Note 5) all had weird issues pop up from time to time. My Nexus 6P and now my P2XL were/are utterly flawless.
iOS is a closed system so you don't have to constantly worry about what app/s are draining your battery or will give someone access to your phone due to malware and viruses.
Define 'closed-system.' Play store and whatever Apple calls their app repository are both walled-off (as far as any of us know anyways) and run virus scans and whatnot. Unless you've worked at both and are familiar with their anti-malware procedures, you claiming Apple is immune to malware means just as much as me claiming Androids are. Anecdotally, I recall hearing hearing about iOS and Android breaches from time to time in about equal proportions. One is NOT clearly better than the other when you only consider stock, non-rooted/jailbroken devices. Apple's strength here is standardization of hardware but the Google/Pixel/Nexus lines are also hardware/software standardized and I get get security updates monthly.
My wife is a diehard iPhone user (she's not technical so it's really just that it's what she's used to and doesn't want to change). Her iPhone's have had mysterious battery-drain issues just as often as my Samsung's. She's had numerous issues after receiving software updates (many more than I've ever had on Android devices. The difference with her is that iOS is so locked down that they don't even allow one to look at running processes so if something's running amok you really don't have any way to troubleshoot it.
Those timely updates that get pushed out to all iPhones instantly and on time are a bunch of crap. How dare they satisfy their customers. Depending on what phone you have you may not get the next version of Android for close to a year(Samsung) or possibly never.
Which is why I don't buy a Samsung (or HTC/LG/Samsung/etc.). I get security updates monthly. My wife doesn't. This is a Pixel forum so you should limit your comments to Pixel/Nexus devices. I totally agree that the timeliness of updates is a YUGE problem...
...for non-Google devices. My Nexus 6P updated to Oreo within two weeks of it being released. I've had my P2XL for a week and I've already gotten a new security update.
The Apple/iPhone and the Google/Pixel are essentially equivalent devices operating in a similar environment. There really isn't much of line separating the two these days. I choose Android for its customization.