I have the same complaints! I am all for the updated OS, but HATE the color scheme. I went the Go launcher/sms/notification/keyboard etc. route, GOsms is quite nice, and the launcher as well. They offer themes so you can modify the color scheme to your liking. Just some minor quirks to get used to.
EDIT: this was the best quick fix I could find...if anyone has any other solutions to leave the phone as stock as possible (i.e. not having to use all the GO(insert app function here) ) , I'm all ears...