OP, I would try another phone. I'm not fond on the EVO 4g either, I want to switch to the Nexus S.
As for ROMs, I'm now using deck rom. It has widget buttons you can put in the status bar that let you control the music (similar to how a music app had with its own notification in webOS) without having to resort to a solution like Wave Launcher. Wave Launcher is a nice concept, but because the Android phones lack a dedicated gesture area, you're forced to pick a part of the screen to trigger Wave Launcher from and I couldn't find an area that was convenient for my smaller hands and out of the way of an app's button or keyboard. It also has quick power widgets (similar to the device menu and its advanced versions on webOS) in the status bar that you can access without having to go back to Home and using a home widget or going into the maze of the Settings app.
The Synergy ROM also has a nice feature that puts your recent apps in the status bar, so you don't have to hold the stupid home button. Or if you don't mind holding the home button, you can define the number of apps in the recent apps list (or let you pick something else entirely) using the deck ROM. I believe the ROM is based on cyanogenmod, so that one probably has a lot of the same features. Including allowing you to swipe away single notifications instead of leaving them there until you're ready to clear them all.
There's also Gmail Notifier that allows you to get gmail notifications that are actually worth a damn and tell you the subject and sender like on webOS instead of just saying New Email. Or the Gmail Popup app. Unfortunately the new Gmail update broke these apps, so you have to downgrade your Gmail if you want to use them (no problem for me because I don't need the per label notification support in the new gmail).
Did you try any new launchers? I loathe the Sense launcher, especially since it liked to REBOOT every four apps, but GO Launcher is great. I really like the customizable gestures, I've set the swipe down one to bring down the notifications bar so I don't have to reach all the way up there.
Android is really all over the place compared to webOS. It has its advantages, but it has some disadvantages too (had the most epic nightmare trying to do navigation and music over bluetooth last week). Since having Android, I've come to really appreciate the workflow I got on my Pre+ which makes it easier to find real alternatives to webOS features because I actually like webOS, just left it because it's put much over, instead of just downplaying some of the annoying things on Android and offering subpar alternatives like some posts from ex-webos users or people who have never used webOS at all.
Eventually, you're going to have to move on so you should really just bite the bullet and try to get used to it instead of just letting your upgrade languish unless you really want to wait it out until October for the fruit phone.