Adaptive is the best if you want to punch up all the colors, but it shouldn't give your overall screen any tint if that's what you are saying.
There are going to be some screens that are close to "perfect" but may have some color variance. if you take your phone to other stores with Note 9 displays and can see a difference between Notes side by side, then it's that variance. The fact both you and husbands phone both have it if bought same time most likely built at same time and could be part of a same batch of panels.
I was just a BB the other day and past the Note 9 displays and they have it set at Adaptive and max bright and to me look identical to my 8 at same settings.
Remember when the S8 came out they had red tint and Samsung tried to say it was normal?? But later they came out update with the advanced options to manipulate the RGB... the "Visine fix" to get the red out and avoid dealing with panel relacements. So when you have Adaptive set, below go to Advanced options and play with the Red or other colors to see if you can get the tint out.
If you're still not happy then not sure if your within period to exchange but that's an option. Otherwise the honest truth is that as long as you don't stick your phone side by side to others, unless the tint is a glaring defect, you wont notice the tint. The other day I was playing with settings and I like the Adaptive setting but forgot I left it at Cinema and when I did notice, I thought to myself my eyes adjusted that I didn't even notice the difference and like it just as much... punchy with just a notch down to bring out a bit of warmth if you know what I mean... it's still an awesome panel and been left it at Cinema.