I feel you. I was thinking hard about going to an iPhone for the first time ... but for me, it comes down to the locked down default apps. Even with the mail/browser options arriving with iOS 14 this fall, it's not enough for me to take that plunge. I've been going back and forth between the S20+ and Note 10+ for weeks ... still a bit torn on it, TBH. But I'm still leaning towards the Note 10+. Price isn't really a factor between the two right now, with discounts, they're near identical with my carrier. I think it mostly comes down to the S-Pen. Which may seem weird, because I've never had a Note before, and I'm not sure how much I would use it, but the idea of not having it makes the S20+ seem lesser, even if the hardware is a bit newer.
Ultimately, when it comes to jumping to iOS, you have to decide if you can live with the trade-offs. For me, I can't ... yet. But if they keep copying Android's best features over, they just might get there in the future. In the meantime, I remain firmly team Android.