If you're really "absolutely clueless as to the technical workings of smart phones" you probably haven't flashed a ROM (or even a custom recovery) to the phone, so we have two paths here:
1) The phone has been doing this since you got it. Go back to Verizon and tell them that you'd like a phone that works - IOW, replace your phone with a new one. It's their responsibility.
2) You installed some app and the trouble started. Power the phone up in safe mode:
- With the device powered off, press and hold the Power button (located on the right edge) until the Samsung Galaxy S5 logo appears then release.
- With the Samsung Galaxy S5 logo on the screen, press and hold the Volume Down button (located on the left edge).
- Continue to hold the Volume Down button until Safe mode appears in the lower left of the screen then release.
This may take up to 45 seconds.
This should give you a working phone with none of the apps you installed running. Run them one at a time until the problem occurs. Restart in safe mode and uninstall that app. That should fix it.
BTW, you went to the tech people at Verizon, right, not the sales associates? The sales associates don't know any more about cellphones than you do. I'd be surprised if their tech people (usually in a separate section at the rear of the store) couldn't have fixed this in 5 minutes. (BTW, the above instructions are from Verizon's site for the S5.)