With my Droid Incredible, I would hit my friend's reality distortion field with a reverse tachyon pulse, creating a wormhole back to 2006, thus enabling me to prevent the release of the iPhone. I cannot divulge how I would accomplish this, but I can reveal that it involves highly-trained, ninja monkeys and a large quantity of soap. Needless to say, I have spent all my cash reserves on training monkeys in the ways of the shadow warrior, so I cannot actually afford a Droid Incredible. This contest is my final hope for making my dream a reality. Hurry! The monkeys grow restless...