Check it out! I'm entering a sweepstakes to win a brand-spankin' new Note 5!! But seriously... Hook me up here, guys! Things have been so crazy lately, and I could really use a win... I mean, trust me, if I had the time to tell you my whole story, you'd probably say something like:
"Wow... That sounds... pretty normal, actually. I mean, sure it's been a little rough of late, but so many other people are so much worse off... In fact, the more I think about it, you're really just a pretty average guy with quite a lot of things going for you in your life. So stop your freaking whining! The world doesn't owe you anything!"
And then, I'd probably say something like, "Yeah, you're right. But.. I mean... Come on!!!!

" Then we'd hug & high five, and you'd give me a shiny new phone!
Now doesn't that sound nice?!