?? You've just been terminally diagnosed...

[llamabreath]

*WARNING -
Quite possibly, a depressing thread unfolds ahead. But it doesn't have to be...

A scenario that is completely dreadful. I've seen it happen in my family, and I'm sure you all have also.

How have people you've known, handled such a diagnosis? How would you handle it?

??

 

[Jennifer Stough]

Well, my step dads mother has stage 5 lung cancer that has spread to her brain, her heart, and the rest of her organs. She is in her late 70s and is physically not strong enough to withstand any more radiational therapy as she is also diabetic and it is raising her blood sugar to such a high level that she is at risk for stroke. The swelling in her brain has caused her to lose eyesight in one of her eyes and hearing in one of her ears. Most of my family is dispersed, so they handle it by calling and talking to her as much as possible. Letting her know how loved she is in the last few months of her life. My step dad is handling it the worst, as he lost his father when he was very young, and his mother was all he had until she remarried when he was in his teens. He took a trip back home to say his good byes before having to return to work, because he won't be able to be there when she finally does pass. His heart is breaking and we don't know how to comfort him through this.

Jennifer Stough
Forums Moderator
Device: Droid DNA unlocked, s-off, rooted, running Hatka Supreme Sense 5.0, Android 4.1.2

 

[llamabreath]

Thanks for your story.

My mother died from lung cancer just a few years ago, at the relatively young age of 59. When she was diagnosed, she actually thought she would beat it.

She never, throughout her life, wanted or had to depend on anybody for anything; she was very independent and strong-willed, especially after the divorce from my father when i was barely a teen.

She remained positive all throughout the first few months of chemo and even a blood transfusion. But it was barely a week after the transfusion and so-called different mix of chemo, that she began to succumb.

All she wanted in her last days was for my brother and I to become close again, as we had drifted apart because of "differences of opinions". This was all she wanted, nothing else. We granted her that and now have become the close brothers we used to be.

My regret is that it took her dying in front of my eyes, for me to humble myself.

??

 

[Jennifer Stough]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It's amazing how times of intense grief can bring us closer. I am glad to hear that you and your brother have overcome your animosity for the sake of your mother. It's a very hard thing that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I struggle every day to find words strong enough to comfort my stepdad, who has been there for me since I was 5 years old. His mother is family to me, and it hurts to know that because of the lifestyle I am married into, I will be forced to grieve from afar.

Jennifer Stough
Forums Moderator
Device: Droid DNA unlocked, s-off, rooted, running Hatka Supreme Sense 5.0, Android 4.1.2

 

[llamabreath]

If it were me though (something terminal), I wouldn't necessarily do that and would lean more toward trying to enjoy the time I have left instead of spending it trying to fight the inevitable.

That's exactly how I would handle it.

??

 

[msndrstood]

My dad complained of an earache. My mom took him to an ENT, I sent my 18 year old son (at the time) to go with them because my mom had fallen the week before and getting her and dad around was a task. I stayed at home because my 12 year old daughter was starting 9th grade at the high school and I wanted to be home in case she missed the bus etc. I thought the drs appt was no big deal. My son came home and told me that dad had throat cancer. He went back to the ENT for scoping. In the waiting room the Dr told us that dad had 3-6 months left. Then he took me aside (knowing I was a nurse) and told me realistically he had 1-3 months.

My entire family was there and when I explained what the Dr said they didn't believe me. It was up to me to tell dad the news. He took it much better than I would have ever guessed. He didn't want the radiation treatments. He 'wanted to go out the way I came in', no surgery, no chemo, no radiation.

That was September 2, he died on Xmas night. I promised him he wouldn't be alone and he wasn't. Unfortunately, my family fell apart. My mother died 9 months later. It was a mess that I wouldn't wish on anyone. The story is much longer but it's not necessary to go into a lot of family drama details.

In those the months between his diagnosis and death, I spent every single day with him. I lived an hour away and would drive to Baltimore every morning around 11 and sit with him until I had to leave for the 3-11 shift at the hospital another 30 minutes away. Those were the best memories I have of him. We talked about everything, life, death, what dreams we had the night before and what they meant. One in particular, he was waiting at a bus stop, when the bus arrived, he saw all his old friends from his army days. They had all passed. When he tried to get on the bus, my mother wouldn't let him. We both knew what it meant. Mom wasn't ready to let him go.

I had one dream in particular after he died; we were in his rose garden I was so happy to see him, I woke up crying because he told me he couldn't stay. It was the most real, intense dream I have ever had in my life. I have no doubt we met somewhere between here and there.

I hope when my time comes, I'll be half as brave as he was. I still miss him like crazy. That was 1994.

That's my story.



What?! ... I'm msndrstood.
via Note II

 

[Jerry Hildenbrand]

I was given 6 weeks to live 16 years ago when diagnosed with advanced Legionnaires' disease.
It absolutely devastated my family, but I kept saying I don't feel like I'm about to die.

Score:
Doctor = 0
Jerry = 1

 

[llamabreath]

Msunderstood, It hurts to read that.

??

 

[llamabreath]

I was given 6 weeks to live 16 years ago when diagnosed with advanced Legionnaires' disease.
It absolutely devastated my family, but I kept saying I don't feel like I'm about to die.

Score:
Doctor = 0
Jerry = 1

That's unbelievable, great story. :thumbup:

??

 

[Jennifer Stough]

My dad complained of an earache. My mom took him to an ENT, I sent my 18 year old son (at the time) to go with them because my mom had fallen the week before and getting her and dad around was a task. I stayed at home because my 12 year old daughter was starting 9th grade at the high school and I wanted to be home in case she missed the bus etc. I thought the drs appt was no big deal. My son came home and told me that dad had throat cancer. He went back to the ENT for scoping. In the waiting room the Dr told us that dad had 3-6 months left. Then he took me aside (knowing I was a nurse) and told me realistically he had 1-3 months.

My entire family was there and when I explained what the Dr said they didn't believe me. It was up to me to tell dad the news. He took it much better than I would have ever guessed. He didn't want the radiation treatments. He 'wanted to go out the way I came in', no surgery, no chemo, no radiation.

That was September 2, he died on Xmas night. I promised him he wouldn't be alone and he wasn't. Unfortunately, my family fell apart. My mother died 9 months later. It was a mess that I wouldn't wish on anyone. The story is much longer but it's not necessary to go into a lot of family drama details.

In those the months between his diagnosis and death, I spent every single day with him. I lived an hour away and would drive to Baltimore every morning around 11 and sit with him until I had to leave for the 3-11 shift at the hospital another 30 minutes away. Those were the best memories I have of him. We talked about everything, life, death, what dreams we had the night before and what they meant. One in particular, he was waiting at a bus stop, when the bus arrived, he saw all his old friends from his army days. They had all passed. When he tried to get on the bus, my mother wouldn't let him. We both knew what it meant. Mom wasn't ready to let him go.

I had one dream in particular after he died; we were in his rose garden I was so happy to see him, I woke up crying because he told me he couldn't stay. It was the most real, intense dream I have ever had in my life. I have no doubt we met somewhere between here and there.

I hope when my time comes, I'll be half as brave as he was. I still miss him like crazy. That was 1994.

That's my story.



What?! ... I'm msndrstood.
via Note II

This brought tears to my eyes. It sounds like you had a wonderful father with a beautiful heart. I am sorry to hear of the loss of both of your parents.

Jennifer Stough
Forums Moderator
Device: Droid DNA unlocked, s-off, rooted, running Hatka Supreme Sense 5.0, Android 4.1.2

 

[Jerry Hildenbrand]

That's unbelievable, great story. :thumbup:

??

Recovery was rough, I won't lie. I still have some lingering health effects, and other issues from the medicine I need to take everyday to make breathing easy with all the scarred lung tissue. But I figure I've got at least 50 years left

 

[Jennifer Stough]

I was given 6 weeks to live 16 years ago when diagnosed with advanced Legionnaires' disease.
It absolutely devastated my family, but I kept saying I don't feel like I'm about to die.

Score:
Doctor = 0
Jerry = 1

I'm glad you're still around, Jerry. This place wouldn't be the same without you!

Jennifer Stough
Forums Moderator
Device: Droid DNA unlocked, s-off, rooted, running Hatka Supreme Sense 5.0, Android 4.1.2

 

[llamabreath]

Recovery was rough, I won't lie. I still have some lingering health effects, and other issues from the medicine I need to take everyday to make breathing easy with all the scarred lung tissue. But I figure I've got at least 50 years left

??

 

[Jennifer Stough]

I'm not even going to lie. I'm terrified of having a chronical or terminal disease. Both of my grandmothers and my mother have rheumatoid arthritis. My mother and grandmother on her side both have lupus, and my mother has sjorgens disease as well as fibromyalgia. Many of these are genetic. Seeing my mom live in so much pain and misery as well as losing her career and drive to even get out of bed in some days terrifies me

Jennifer Stough
Forums Moderator
Device: Droid DNA unlocked, s-off, rooted, running Hatka Supreme Sense 5.0, Android 4.1.2

 

[llamabreath]

I'm not even going to lie. I'm terrified of having a chronical or terminal disease. Both of my grandmothers and my mother have rheumatoid arthritis. My mother and grandmother on her side both have lupus, and my mother has sjorgens disease as well as fibromyalgia. Many of these are genetic. Seeing my mom live in so much pain and misery as well as losing her career and drive to even get out of bed in some days terrifies me

Jennifer Stough
Forums Moderator
Device: Droid DNA unlocked, s-off, rooted, running Hatka Supreme Sense 5.0, Android 4.1.2

That's why it's prudent to appreciate the health we have today, it's way too easy to take for granted.

?? I think signatures are jejune.

 

[Jerry Hildenbrand]

My dad complained of an earache. My mom took him to an ENT, I sent my 18 year old son (at the time) to go with them because my mom had fallen the week before and getting her and dad around was a task. I stayed at home because my 12 year old daughter was starting 9th grade at the high school and I wanted to be home in case she missed the bus etc. I thought the drs appt was no big deal. My son came home and told me that dad had throat cancer. He went back to the ENT for scoping. In the waiting room the Dr told us that dad had 3-6 months left. Then he took me aside (knowing I was a nurse) and told me realistically he had 1-3 months.

My entire family was there and when I explained what the Dr said they didn't believe me. It was up to me to tell dad the news. He took it much better than I would have ever guessed. He didn't want the radiation treatments. He 'wanted to go out the way I came in', no surgery, no chemo, no radiation.

That was September 2, he died on Xmas night. I promised him he wouldn't be alone and he wasn't. Unfortunately, my family fell apart. My mother died 9 months later. It was a mess that I wouldn't wish on anyone. The story is much longer but it's not necessary to go into a lot of family drama details.

In those the months between his diagnosis and death, I spent every single day with him. I lived an hour away and would drive to Baltimore every morning around 11 and sit with him until I had to leave for the 3-11 shift at the hospital another 30 minutes away. Those were the best memories I have of him. We talked about everything, life, death, what dreams we had the night before and what they meant. One in particular, he was waiting at a bus stop, when the bus arrived, he saw all his old friends from his army days. They had all passed. When he tried to get on the bus, my mother wouldn't let him. We both knew what it meant. Mom wasn't ready to let him go.

I had one dream in particular after he died; we were in his rose garden I was so happy to see him, I woke up crying because he told me he couldn't stay. It was the most real, intense dream I have ever had in my life. I have no doubt we met somewhere between here and there.

I hope when my time comes, I'll be half as brave as he was. I still miss him like crazy. That was 1994.

That's my story.



What?! ... I'm msndrstood.
via Note II

That's rough. Nice outlook you have on it, though.

 

[msndrstood]

I'm not even going to lie. I'm terrified of having a chronical or terminal disease. Both of my grandmothers and my mother have rheumatoid arthritis. My mother and grandmother on her side both have lupus, and my mother has sjorgens disease as well as fibromyalgia. Many of these are genetic. Seeing my mom live in so much pain and misery as well as losing her career and drive to even get out of bed in some days terrifies me

Jennifer Stough
Forums Moderator
Device: Droid DNA unlocked, s-off, rooted, running Hatka Supreme Sense 5.0, Android 4.1.2

I understand that feeling completely. Ironically, in one of those chat sessions with dad, he told me 'when I'm gone you are going to get so sick"... I thought he was just worried about the stress but his comment proved to be e eerily prophetic.

What?! ... I'm msndrstood.
via Note II

 

[msndrstood]

I was given 6 weeks to live 16 years ago when diagnosed with advanced Legionnaires' disease.
It absolutely devastated my family, but I kept saying I don't feel like I'm about to die.

Score:
Doctor = 0
Jerry = 1

Sometimes, being stubborn has its own rewards.

What?! ... I'm msndrstood.
via Note II

 

[Jennifer Stough]

I understand that feeling completely. Ironically, in one of those chat sessions with dad, he told me 'when I'm gone you are going to get so sick"... I thought he was just worried about the stress but his comment proved to be e eerily prophetic.

What?! ... I'm msndrstood.
via Note II

That is terrifying. I hate feeling helpless. It's in my nature to want to help people, and I can't save them from themselves. My mom is so passionate about her career. And after passing out cold while trying to assess a patient, she was put on temporary disability. All of her doctors have cleared her to go back to work, except for her RA specialist, the one who counts. He says the liability of her returning to work and it happening again is too strong. She is losing her memory, she is getting double vision, she can't stand for long periods. She worked so hard to get where she is and her own body is taking that away from her

Jennifer Stough
Forums Moderator
Device: Droid DNA unlocked, s-off, rooted, running Hatka Supreme Sense 5.0, Android 4.1.2

 

[msndrstood]

That is terrifying. I hate feeling helpless. It's in my nature to want to help people, and I can't save them from themselves. My mom is so passionate about her career. And after passing out cold while trying to assess a patient, she was put on temporary disability. All of her doctors have cleared her to go back to work, except for her RA specialist, the one who counts. He says the liability of her returning to work and it happening again is too strong. She is losing her memory, she is getting double vision, she can't stand for long periods. She worked so hard to get where she is and her own body is taking that away from her

Jennifer Stough
Forums Moderator
Device: Droid DNA unlocked, s-off, rooted, running Hatka Supreme Sense 5.0, Android 4.1.2

I sympathize with her plight. It sounds like what happened with me. All the of my docs demanded that I stop working and file for disability. Same issues, memory is a big one., my legs and stamina the other. All non conducive to nursing especially Critical Care nursing where you are giving potentially lethal drugs. It was time for me to stop, but I went out kicking and screaming.

I don't know if your mom has issues with word finding but that's my biggest aggravation. I used to be so fluent, now I start and stop frequently because I just can't think of the words. It's very frustrating when I meet new people etc. If my posts seem abrupt at times, it's my train of thought, I try to get to the gist of the point I'm trying to make before I forget the entire thought.

Wow, now you guys know all my secrets.


What?! ... I'm msndrstood.
via Note II